Posts tagged how-to
How do I get a burlesque gig?
Feb 8th
Just got back from a whirlwind of boobs and glitter from the Dallas Burlesque Festival. Great show, great girls, and an amazing audience. I feel lucky and so pleased to have shared the stage with everyone who performed.
I received an email over the weekend from a reader asking about shows. My troupe, Music City Burlesque, gets quite a few similar emails from girls looking to do burlesque, so I thought I’d share with everyone. She writes:
“I’m a burlesque dancer looking for work and I’d love some advice on getting gigs. Thanks girl!” -Katie
First off, getting gigs is great, but it won’t really count as “work.” Although most shows pay, they only pay enough to maybe cover your costume materials expenses, not counting the hours of choreographing, practicing, and the time to actually craft your costume. There are a precious few dancers who make a living off burlesque, and most of those also either teach classes, in the case of Michelle L’Amour and Indigo Blue or brand themselves through books and makeup, like Dita Von Teese. The rest of us do burlesque for various reasons, but money isn’t one of them. Just an aside, since I get a lot of questions about how much we make dancing.
I’m assuming you’re a new dancer and don’t have any contacts in the business. If you’re a new dancer, it’s kind of hard to get out there because troupes and venues want to know what you’ve done. A great way to get your first show is to take classes and perform in a student showcase. That’s how I got my start in burlesque, and I learned a lot from the other girls in my class as well as my teachers. Of course, you may not be in an area where that’s available. If that’s the case, you need to make an audition video, with your full makeup and finished routine, and finished costume. It doesn’t matter if it’s in your living room and the lighting quality sucks, this is to show prospective people that you’re serious and have put in the time to finish a routine. Photos are always a plus even if it’s just a myspace of facebook page.
Are you in an area with lots of burlesque or not so much? Do a little research to see what kind of burlesque or sideshow is happening in your area. If you’re lucky enough to be in a mecca of burlesque, start going to lots of shows. Dress up and talk to performers afterward if they’re open to it. Don’t pitch yourself, just mention that you liked their performance and see if they have a website or facebook. If you can network and meet people beforehand, you’ll stand out when you send them your pitch.
If you live in an area with no burlesque, don’t despair! Burlesque is constantly growing and becoming more mainstream. Keep looking, and start a meetup group for those interested in burlesque. If you can find a venue, there are plenty of touring acts that you could help bring to town. If you live within driving distance of a burlesque troupe, make the trip to see one of their shows, and see if they’d be interested in coming to do a show near you.
Once you’ve made contact with a troupe, it’s time to send them your pitch. Mention you’ve seen their show and talked to performer X. Ask if they ever host guest performers and list all your finished routines and the accompanying music. Include links to your photos and the aforementioned video. Be courteous and willing to do anything. They may ask you to work the merchandise booth at a show or to stage kitten (picking up discarded performer clothing onstage) before asking you to perform.
Booking non-burlesque shows, like opening for a band, are a little trickier. You could contact a specific venue directly or a specific band directly giving the same information you would give to a troupe. Do your research and make sure you’re pitching appropriately. In other words don’t pitch a classic fan dance to a pop-punk band.
Keep in mind that certain states have laws about nudity in bars. In Nashville, if we perform anywhere that serves alcohol, we must wear a quarter bra (covering under boob and side boob) and full panties. If you violate that law and someone reports it, the venue, not you, gets fined. If a venue has been burned by performers not obeying the law, they may never let burlesque be performed there again, so don’t take it to heart if a venue flat out refuses you because you do burlesque.
Be persistent. Keep watching shows and even youtube videos to better yourself and be more knowledgeable about the burlesque scene and how it’s evolving. Get involved however you can and always be nice to everyone. This is a really small world and if you’re rude or a diva, it’ll be hard to get more gigs.
Hope that helps my would be ecdysiasts!
Popularity: 35% [?]
How to Brew the Perfect Cup of Tea
Jan 18th
via
Tea can be many things, a cup of comfort, an invigorating jolt of energy, or a daily ritual of relaxation. Rudyard Kipling even believed tea had the power to hold worlds together.
We had a kettle; we let it leak:
Our not repairing made it worse.
We haven’t had any tea for a week…
The bottom is out of the Universe.”
All this from the simple Camella sinensis plant. Whatever tea means to you, making a perfect brew will help you keep your universe from bottoming out.
- You’ll need:
- fresh or bottled water
- tea kettle
- your favorite mug
- loose leaf tea
- milk, honey, sugar, or the sweetener of your choice
Water
Always use fresh water in your kettle. If your tap water is particularly chlorinated or polluted, use filtered water instead. Start with cold water, as it retains the most oxygen.
Tea
Loose leaf is generally a better brew than ground tea bags, and almost always fresher. Use one teaspoon for every cup you want to brew. If you add a lot of milk and sugar, or are making more than two cups, add one extra teaspoon to your teapot.
There are four basic and distinct types of tea, black, green, oolong, and white. Black teas are oxidized, oolong are partially oxidzed, and greens and whites are not. Your brewing will depend on which type you’re using.
- Black, Red, or Oolong Tea
Black teas are oxidized (exposing the tea to air). This allows the tea to naturally chemically change from green to a red or brown, and intensifies the flavor. If you like full-bodied richness and complex flavors, these are the teas for you.For darker teas, heat your water until it boils, or your kettle whistles. Immediately add the water to your tea and allow it to steep for three to five minutes, depending on how dark and bitter you like it.
- Green Tea
Green teas are not oxidized and instead are withered and dried. Green teas are a good choice if you like a fresh drink that will help clear your mind.Green teas are better if you take your kettle off right before it boils, or add a small amount of cold water to quickly cool your water. Green and teas should be steeped for about three minutes. Any longer and the tannins will start to make it bitter.
- Oolong Tea
Oolong tea is only partially oxidized, making it somewhere between a black and green tea. Drink oolong for a digestive aid, or if you want a mix of the astringent and richness found in greens and blacks respectively.You can prepare it either way, but the flavors are richer if prepared similar to green tea.
- White Tea
White tea is the most delicate of all teas. Similar to green tea, it is not oxidized and is instead simply steamed and dried. White teas are generally light and fragrant.For full flavor, white tea should be made at a similar, cooler than boiling, temperature. White teas need a full seven minutes to bring out their full flavors.
One Lump or Two?
This is personal preference, but it will affect how you brew and steep your tea. Do you like your tea very sweet and creamy? Or do you prefer a hint of sweetness with bitter? Decide ahead of time whether you will take milk, sugar, honey, or anything else and let that guide your steeping times and amount of loose tea.
Enjoy
Ambiance also influences the perfection of your brew, so make yourself a comfortable space with a good book, or have a few teacakes on hand if you’re entertaining. Turn on some music, just hold that warm mug in your hands and let the scent waft into your senses. Once you feel covered in the sweet smell and feel, take a tiny sip. Feel it warm your whole being and bones. Repeat as necessary.
Now, put the kettle on and call some friends for an impromptu tea party.
Popularity: 34% [?]
Becoming Burlesque: Details
Jul 15th
via Miss Lindsay
This is the first article in a new series I’m calling: Becoming Burlesque, all about the sass and sexy of burlesque. Whether you’re on stage, in the bedroom or the boardroom, knowing you have a little secret is a great way to boost your confidence and have a little fun. We’ll talk about style, inspiration and moves. If you’re a dancer or admirer (you know who you are!) and would like to contribute, please let me know! I’d love to have as many takes on this art form as I can.
We’ll get into the history and reasons why showing off your goods in public is a fantastic idea later, but for this dreary hump day, let’s just get into some sexy looks for the rest of your week.
High Heels: Last year one of my new year’s resolutions was to wear more heels. At all of 5′3″ I’m the girl struggling to reach the top shelf and looking childish in dresses with flats. What I learned on my year long odyssey of shoes is first, I awakened a latent shoe fetishist. Second, that once I invested in some great pumps, I loved wearing heels. Cheap heels will inevitably hurt your feet unless you have magic feet invulnerable to cheap materials. Invest in good shoes and you’ll feel and look like a million bucks. If you’re not a lover of heels, try some kitten heel shoes that have just a little lift and still look vintage secretary sexy.
Pasties: Pasties are one of the most quintessential things about burlesque for me. You could be performing a death metal rendition dressed in the most hardcore punk clothes, but take it off, and you’ve likely got some sort of shiny on those nips. It’s amazing and wonderful. There are several amazing designers on Etsy that range from outrageous and feathered, to simple sequined hearts. Get a pair and just wear them with a sheer or white shirt dancing, or just peeking out of a fantastic bra for a hint of glimmer and glitter. Use a good wig tape or spirit gum to apply.
Naughty Underdrawers: So much of the time, our sexy lingerie is put away in drawers for special occasions. I say down with that! What’s wrong with wearing crotchless panties on a Monday? Spice things up a bit. Wear nothing but high heels and your best lingerie set to vacuum on your day off. Or slide on a negligee or slip under your business suit. Never underestimate the power of a great bra, whether it’s a push-up, lacy nothing, or covered in sequins. The point isn’t to be slutty, but to make you feel sexy and confident. No one has to know why 
Stockings: Stockings are sort of an antiquated fashion, so they immediate bring pin-ups to mind for me. A great pair of thigh highs can transform any outfit into a burlesque routine waiting to happen. Find a good garter belt (vintage or Target and Victoria’s Secret have decent ones), and go to town. If the tops are too tight, as they tend to be for full thigh-ed ladies like myself, cut off the top elastic. You’ll feel more comfortable, and your garter belt will still keep them up. I prefer nude fishnets or nude stockings with the black line up the back, but play around and see what you like.
Hairdo: Your hairdo can really set off an otherwise contemporary outfit to vintage bombshell. Try victory rolls or simple poufs. If you’re not too hair-handy, get some gorgeous fascinators off Etsy, and just clip them in. There are several Youtube tutorials for vintage hair, or this Livejournal group also has plenty of inspiration.
Details: Burlesque is all about careful details. Paint your nails. Wear falsies. Give yourself a beauty mark. Make sure when you walk with that sass it is in every fiber of your being, the long legs, sleek outline, and playful eyes. It’s about being a total package, even if you’re in a t-shirt and jeans.
Next on Becoming Burlesque, how to perfect The Shimmy.
For more tips and tricks on burlesque fashion, check out these lovely ladies’ posts:
- Bringing Back Burlesque by Ashe
- Birdie discusses Appropriate Attire when attending a burlesque show
Popularity: 10% [?]
Summer Spectacular
Jul 1st
all images via Let’s Explode
I always try to make a list for the season we’re entering. I know I’m a tish late to summer (shh) but here’s my wish list:
1. Take a road trip: Pack mini sandwiches and thermoses of sweet ice tea. Stop at all the old Americana signs along the way, picking up vintage finds and cheap goods.
2. Go Camping: Take a weekend and go to the nearest forest preserve. Bring plenty of country bourbon and instruments to make a gypsy band by the firelight.
3. Visit flea Markets: There are a plethora of outdoor antique markets in the summer, and while some of the more exotic goods are overpriced, they are fun to ogle at, and you can find some great deals or at least a good story to go with those monkey bookends.
4. Pool Party: Find a pool in a friend’s neighborhood or a community one, and turn it into a water festival. Bring water balloons, supersoakers, bubbles, serve watermelon, make lemonade and whatever delicious water-goods you have.
5. Go berry picking: Blueberries and strawberries are in season now, and there are probably a few “pick your own” patches near you. Spend the morning picking before it’s too hot in the day, and in the afternoon, make jams, jellies and a berry pie.
6. Make a tree house: If you live rurally, this is easy, but even if you live in a city, pick a tree that’s just yours to go to each day or weekend and make it your secret spot. Extra points if you actually hoist yourself into the tree to read a book or bring a tea set.
7. Host an Outdoor Movie night: I know, I’m a little obsessed with drive-ins. Movies in the park, if your town or city has them, are also excellent. If you don’t have one near you, Make your own with a TV plugged in outside or rent a projector and screen it on the side of your house.
8. Attend a summer carnival: Play the strong arm games. Ride the drop tower. Eat cotton candy. Revel in the weirdness and crowds all there for the sparkly lights and promise of winning a giant stuffed pony.
9. Plant a mini garden: If you love colors, find some cheap flowers to pot. If food is more your thing, plant your favorite herbs that you can pick fresh for summer cooking.
10. Go on a walking ghost tour: Chances are, your city or town has some supernatural enthusiasts. Go on a tour and learn all the history with the added spookiness.
Whatever you do, take a million polaroids, wear sunglasses and get outside.
Popularity: 2% [?]
Easy Morning Yoga
Jun 25th
via Ally Jade
I recently got a new writing gig at Examiner, where I’m writing about all things Nashville and Yoga. My latest article is on morning stretches with a rundown that you can pin to your wall, put on your nightstand or your mirror to help you remember to wake up and start every day as energized and refreshed as possible. Here are a few of the stretches:
Grab a pillow and tuck it under your hips. Slowly raise one leg in the air, and then the other. This gentle inversion will really help get your blood moving. Try for 3 to 5 breaths for each leg. Come to a cross-legged sitting position. Place the palms of your hands on your knees and as you exhale, round your back and drop your head to your chest for sitting cat stretch. Inhale and arch your back and lift your head into cow. This series is excellent for warming up your back and neck. Repeat about 10 times, always moving with your inhalations and exhalations. Sitting at the edge of your bed, place your feet on the floor and fold your arms. Slowly begin to fold over, letting your head drop. If you want more of a stretch, drop your arms to the floor and slowly straighten your legs. If the sensation is too intense, put a pillow in your lap to help cushion the stretch. Breathe. 3 to 5 deep breaths here.”
You can read the full article and leave any comments with stretches you love here.
Popularity: 2% [?]
How to Deliver the Perfect Toast
Jun 17th
via Victor Nuno
It’s June, which means party celebrations, weddings, summer holidays, babies and family gatherings. Even if you’re not a particularly “Holiday” person, you’ll be expected to attend parties, family functions and maybe even speak at some. So it helps to have some idea of what you’re going to say and do when the time comes.
Obviously, every toast should be as individual as the celebration you’re toasting, but there are some basic guidelines that will help your speech stand out from the rest.
Engagement or Wedding Rehearsal: Keep it brief and sweet. Simple well wishes for the couple are good. Having a quote about love written down to read (or better yet memorize it!) will elicit the “aw”s and make you look sophisticated and refined.
Wedding Reception: If you’re at a traditional wedding, the order of the toasts matter. Best man, groom, bride, fathers of the couple and lastly, mothers. If it’s non-traditional, just wait until the most important and involved parties speak, and then raise your glass. This is a good time for a short story about the couple, groom or bride, something humorous, but sweet. The time the bride got drunk and went home with three guys from your ultimate frisbee team is probably not the right one, funny though it may be.
Birthdays: For formal, important divisible by five birthdays, be sensitive to someone’s age. Or more to the point, know your intended audience. If the person is careful not to say how old they’re turning, or just had a chemical peel, just make a good-natured statement about wine getting better with age or a memory of the birthday-ee. If the party is titled “I’m getting old” or a similar jab, you’re probably safe to make a botox joke.
Baby or Bridal Shower: For showers, brevity is your friend. Today is all about good things to come. Make a wistful quote about the future and taking time to enjoy the little things, not to take life too fast. If you’re married/have children, a short joke may be appropriate, but remember to keep it loving and a story where a lesson can be learned.
A toast should be like the perfect greeting card. It’s short, sweet and maybe humorous, but it gets to the point quickly and leaves you feeling warm and fuzzy inside.
What’s your go to quote for toasts?
Popularity: 2% [?]
The Secret To Wealth on Any Budget
Jun 10th
via daaaabe
Times are tough. Money is tight. But you still want to have a little fun. That’s what money’s for right? How can you trim your spending in a way that still makes you feel fulfilled in your purchasing power and have some leftover for fun nights out? Here are some tips to keep you in check.
Know Your Budget
I live by my budget. It’s how I know when I can afford to go out or not, and is built around my needs so they’re always taken care of. If you don’t have a good budget, spend some time making an excel sheet or just sketch one out by hand. Take into account all your monthly expenses – rent or mortgage, utilities, groceries, car payments, gas, student loans, public transit, gym membership, credit card payment – all the things you regularly need to spend on. I suggest trying to make sure you put money into a savings account every month, even if it’s a small amount, so factor that into your needs as well. Now subtract that from your monthly income. What’s left over is your fun money. If you’re spending more money than you’re making, try to trim some of your expenditures, like taking public transit or giving up your gym membership. The important thing is to know, and monitor, those numbers. I use the geekerific, free Quicken Online for the handy pie charts and graphs.
Avoid Shopping Addictions
This one seems obvious, but it lurks just below the surface of all of us. If you consistently make purchases just when you’re having a bad day or have a closet full of clothes you’ve never even taken the tags off of, take a hard look at your spending. It’s easy to get into a spending = happiness spiral, and really hard to get out, especially if you’ve got some debt riding on that. Seek professional help if you feel that you may have or are at risk.
How to Impulse Buy Without Blowing it
I know, I should be telling you not to impulse buy right? Sometimes though, a little shopping therapy can go a long way. The key is to not take your credit card in the store. If you know you need a pick me up, take out cash of what you can spare, $10, $20, $50, or whatever, and leave the rest of your wallet in the car. Now you can spend that money any way you want. You still get something fun, and stay within your budget.
Know What you Value
Do you have a shoe addiction, or are you a bag lady? Do you need every new video game when it’s released, or are you more of a movie person? Make space in your budget for what you love to do, and prioritize those spending purchases over other slightly less fun things. You’ll feel more rewarded in your purchases and stretch your dollars a little further by enjoyment.
Saving for a Goal vs Saving for Nothing
I’m one of those people who gets an insane amount of joy just from looking at how much money is sitting in my savings account (even if it’s not an insane amount of money). If you’re not one, it helps to think of saving for a goal. Maybe you want to take a cross-continental trip next year, buy a house, or own a Gucci trench coat. Whatever that is, keep it in mind when you’re tempted. Write it in the front of your checkbook or have a photo on your phone. Think, “If I make dinner at home tonight, that’s a dinner out I can have in Paris.”
Sales: Best Friend and Worst Enemy
I love sales. The gimmick of taking three dollars off so I can buy more and feel good about how much I saved gets me every time. And sales can be good. If you know you need new work clothes or appliances sales can be awesome. Travel sales are currently at their best prices in years, so take advantage of that if it’s within your saving goal. The part where you get into trouble is when sales produce impulse buying. Don’t let a sign for 40% off let you shirk off your budget. If you keep to the impulse buying rules we outlined above, then a sale can really take you a long way.
Enjoying your Purchases
You’ve thought about your fun priorities and you bought those amazing new shoes you wanted, or you impulse bought a book that had an intriguing cover. Whatever you do, don’t guilt yourself about thoughtful purchases. We have things because they’re supposed to make us happy. And while obviously nothing will be the ONE purchase to end all others, they’re all little steps that help us feel better, a little more extravagant, or just something silly to brighten our day. If you associate good purchases with good feelings, you’ll be well on your way to managing your budget and your money-life.
How do you feel rich without a Prince’s Ransom?
Popularity: 4% [?]
Guest Post: The Sensual Path to Creativity
Apr 20th
via koolkellygirl
Faithful FnF fan, creativity specialist and writer Barbara Martin publishes the creativity blog Reptitude and is reachable as BarbaraMartin2 at gmail dot com or @Reptitude on Twitter.
In her seminal creativity book The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron describes creativity as a sensual, whole-body experience to be honored and celebrated. One important way to honor and celebrate our creativity is to designate a specific location reserved for creative work. Once we identify that special place, we can fine tune its sensory qualities to help trigger our creativity and reach that elusive state of creative flow.
You might be using an entire room for your creative activities, or you might have just a small corner devoted to it. Either way, giving your creativity a special place validates its importance. The special sense of place distinguishes your creative work from your other daily activities, and the physical separation encourages your creativity each time you enter the creative space.
Next, by using your senses, you can refine your creative space so it suits you to perfection. Consider the following points as a guide to creating your ideal sensory experience where you can slip quickly and easily into that sensual whole-body state of creative flow.
Begin with your favorite colors. You might prefer the calm of soft blue walls, or perhaps the energy of passionate red. Add color where it pleases you: a bright rug, a pillow, the desk blotter, a window shade, wall art; on your backpack, storage boxes, lamp shade, laptop, journal cover.
Feed your inner artist with images. If there is a window, how does it frame the view? Would a painting or photograph, a collage or other artwork stimulate your imagination?
Find the right equipment. A welcoming chair, a smooth writing surface, the perfectly angled easel, the best lighting; these ergonomic adjustments eliminate annoyances and enhance the functionality of the space. They also engage and please the senses, easing your path to creativity.
Listen well. Pay attention to the sounds around you. Play your favorite music or experiment with “white noise” such as a bubbling fountain or a recording of ocean waves; or perhaps you prefer the background noise of a bustling coffee shop or whispering trees. Use sound to build ambiance and shape your private creative world.
Creature comforts count! Pamper your skin with cooling breezes in summer and a soft fuzzy sweater in autumn. In winter, enjoy the radiant warmth of a fireplace or keep your toes toasty with a space heater. During mild weather, open the windows or use a fan to keep the air moving and fresh. Wear comfy shoes, or no shoes at all!
Scent is evocative. Add fragrance with fresh flowers or smoldering incense, perhaps a scented candle, a drop of essential oil, or the aroma of a simmering casserole… or good coffee. What scent reminds you of your absolute most favorite place?
All in good taste. Let the perfect cup of coffee please your palate, or treat your taste buds to healthy fruit or crisp veggies, an herbal tea or icy cool water. Flavors are as evocative as scents, powerful stimulators capable of awakening and reviving sensory memories – and emotions.
Set up a display. Collect an array of favorite objects to provide visual and tactile stimulation. Keep the things that please you most close at hand, the images and objects you love to look at and touch, favorite mementos and talismans, touchstones, fun bits, gaudy trinkets. And absolutely gather together special items for any creativity rituals you follow.
It is essential to find an amenable spot to work, a place where you honor and celebrate your creativity, a place where you intentionally affirm and encourage your creativity. Whether you maintain a simple little nook for your creativity, share a studio, or go all out and custom build a large and elaborate work place of your own, do whatever you can to enhance the sensory elements of your creative space. Use these tips to nurture your sensual inner artist with comfort – and joy!
Want to write for Fish nor Fowl? Ring me, darling.
Popularity: 2% [?]
Life According to Unplan
Apr 13th
via Christina MR
Last week my snug rug plan of what I was going to do for the next few years was subtly but firmly pulled out from underneath me. I freaked out a little, and am now making new plans to replace said plan. Here are my tips and I’d love to hear yours.
Get Mad
You’re disappointed of course. Feel bad about it. Feel like you’ll never get anything again and that your life is a failure. Mope about the house in pajamas for a day or drink a bottle of wine with friends and bitch about how unfair it is. Then get over it. Mourn it, grieve, do whatever you need, but I would say 24 hours is the most you’re allowed, because really, who needs to waste one more day thinking about what didn’t go right? The best plans are waiting for you.
Breathe
Okay, so you didn’t get the job/top school/marriage you thought you were going to, what is the worst thing that’ll happen? I mean it, think about the absolutely worst possible situation that could come out of this; chances are it’s not as bad as that feeling of dread you’ve been carrying around. Take some deep breaths, try meditating or put a little grit and glamour in your life. Relax. You’re going to be better than fine.
Dream
Don’t dwell on why you didn’t get said plan. Instead be pro-ative about new plans. Make lists of things you’ve always wanted to do, but couldn’t because of your plan that is now moot. What can you do now? What will you do now?
It sounds cheesy, but every lost opportunity will only bring you more. If you’re too afraid to go out for anything, sure you’ll never lose again, but you’ll never win.
Work it Out
Once you’ve got a new plan of action, act on it. Put your energies into this new way of life you’re leading. After my first year of college, I wanted to transfer to a different school. Said school did not accept me, so instead I spent a semester volunteering in Africa. I would not be the same person for the better, if I had gotten into that school and continued college as planned. I know there has been more than one time where my alternate plan ended up being better than my first choice.
Lastly, I might be scattered here for a bit again. In the next two weeks my life is going to change drastically and I’m not sure how much time I’ll be able to devote. If anyone wants to babysit or write some words here, send ‘em my way. I’d love to have you on board the SS Fish nor Fowl.
Popularity: 2% [?]
How to Make Friends Wherever You Go
Mar 24th
via jeff bauche
*This post originally appeared in the hilarious and awesome Sarah Von’s Yes and Yes as a guest post from moi.
One of the most rewarding aspects of traveling, whether short or long term, is meeting new people with new ideas. It can totally refresh your thinking and will brush up your communication skills. But making new friends takes time and effort right? Well, not as much as you’d think, and even if you’re shy, follow these guidelines and you’ll be meeting new interesting people in no time!
Dress to Impress
Everyone knows first impressions are important, so be sure to brush your teeth, comb your hair, and generally look together. If you look like you’re trying to hide in your clothes, no one is going to try and approach that bubble. Wear bright colors, smile, put on some lipgloss, whatever makes you feel your best. Look like you have a delicious secret, and everyone will want to know what it is, and more importantly, who this secret-holder is. People are predisposed to different colors, and depending on where you are, they might mean different things, but if you stand out a little from the crowd, and look like you’re enjoying yourself, you’ll be a step ahead.
Know Thyself
While you can probably find something in common with almost anyone, to make fast friends, stick with people who have similar interests as you. So, if you’re a wine freak, it’s probably not advisable to go sit by the kids drinking Three Buck Chuck. Instead, mosey over to the group of people huddled around the specialty wine list. This is not to say if people look interesting even without a common denominator you shouldn’t talk to them, just that you’ll have an easier time with those who you know you already have a common interest with.
Practice Makes Perfect
I’m more an off-the-cuff person, so I usually just talk until I find something in common with others, but if you’re shy or a little nervous about your foreign language skills, study up! Learn some neighborhoods, or at least about the one you’re staying in, and do a little research on what the region or city is known for. Don’t be a guidebook, but showing that you have genuine an interest in the people and city is always appreciated.
Location, location, location
Okay, so you look hot, you’ve done your homework and now you just need friends. Where do you go? I like to stay in hostels when I travel because it’s cheap, you’re already surrounded by like-minded travelers, and there’s usually a bar or pub either in the hostel or close. Especially when traveling alone, this is a great way to meet people to take day tours or split a taxi with. Your bunkmate might be a rollerskating champion an avid fire dancer or studying to be a epidopterologist. A word of warning though, bring earplugs if you like to go to bed and get up early. Most hostels are awake until about three or four in the morning, and not so bustling at even of eight am.
If you’re moving to a new city, you still have lots of options. You can by all means go to the hostel bar and meet people who are new. A walk around your new digs will hopefully reveal some local restaurants and shops. Look for the crowd you want and where they go. Follow that girl with the banana yellow handbag to see where she eats. Coffee shops, used bookstores and thrift stores are my first haunts in a new place. Even if you don’t drink, don’t rule out a laid-back bar to meet
new people. A lot of people, especially travelers, visit pubs for socializing as much as drinking.
Flattery will get you Everywhere
People love being told they are awesome, so don’t be afraid to start a conversation by walking over to someone and mentioning how much you love their coke bottle glasses. Just be genuine about it and follow up with a comment or related question. Commiserating over terrible service at a bar can also work, just be careful because the bartender could be your potential friend’s cousin. If the first person you approach just doesn’t take the bait, don’t take it personally, just move on to a different section of the pub and try again. Read the people who look like they’re looking for a friend as well, and you should do pretty well. Once you start chatting, insert a “oh, by the way, my name is . . .” and they’ll reciprocate. Remember their name the first time they say it.
Let’s get together, Yeah yeah yeah
After you’ve chatted for a bit and feel like the conversation is going well, initiate a meeting. Especially if you’re staying for a while in a city, it helps to have a few consistent friends around. Ask them where their favorite place for dessert is and make a date for next Friday. Tell them to bring a friend or significant other if they like, which will hopefully net you one more friend without as much work as the first one.
Keep in Touch
Be responsible with your fledgling relationship. Call and initiate plans, don’t wait for them to do all the work. Be on time when you say you’re going to meet or call if you’ll be late. Listen carefully and remember the details about their life. With Facebook, Myspace, blogs and Twitter, it’s easier than ever to stay in touch after you’ve left your destination. Even if you only spent a week or a few days with your new friends, keep a line of dialog open. You never know when you’ll be in their home city again, or when they’ll be traveling through yours. And who doesn’t want to have friends the world over?
How do you make friends in a new place?
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